“Every part of our personality that we do not love will become hostile to us.” Robert Bly, poet
When I first began inner healing work, I was afraid. I feared what I would find locked inside of me. Would I discover that I was a terrible person? Would I be overwhelmed by painful, repressed memories?
For transformation to occur, you notice what you feel in the moment. If it’s fear, then we welcome the fear. We allow it to be here and create the space for it to be as large as it needs to be. When fear is allowed with a nonjudgmental other who can hold the fear with you, the fear dissipates. It dissolves. It re-integrates into your nervous system and gives you more breathing space.
I used to fear and judge my fear. I didn’t want to feel it. If I was afraid, I believed it meant I was weak. I suppressed the intolerable feelings of anxiety my entire life. It was scary to intentionally allow fear to flow again because I didn’t know what I was afraid of, and that really scared me.
Even if you’re afraid to feel fear, know that fear doesn’t kill people. In its simplicity, emotion is energy in motion.
Repressed fear, like repressed anger or grief, creates symptoms in your body and your relationships. It takes a lot of physical tension and energy to repress emotions, which is why many people suffer from exhaustion and problematic relationships.
I used to be one of them. I was exhausted from the unhealed childhood trauma. I was an overly sensitive empath with porous energetic boundaries. To cope, I shrunk my life smaller and smaller.
The path to healing is not meeting yourself and your emotions with hostility. This only creates more pain. It’s not giving up on yourself, thinking this is just how I am. It’s not judging yourself for anxiety, depression, or any way you suffer. By befriending your emotions, you discover their protective intelligence and learn to listen to the messages of your body.
To heal, I let another enter my private, pain-filled world. I stopped carrying my quiet despair alone. My pain became my path and my purpose.
As each held layer of emotion is met with kindness and safety, your body’s emotional defense system softens. Your inner guards protecting your heart see the threat is no longer there, and you know you are not alone anymore. You can relax and let go.
To receive support and begin your emotional healing process, I invite you to apply for a confidential, complimentary clarity session at patticapparelli.com/contact